Pleasant evening turned sour

A good time gone bad was what happened over the weekend. It was a Saturday night that we went out to celebrate 2 occasions-my birthday and Mother’s day to a restaurant that had quite a good food review in the papers almost a year back. The evening didn’t start off well as we had to pay some bastards who claimed to be parking bay care takers. It’s such injustice that these lazy bastards get away as they could just simply ask for money from car owners to park at public car parks. We were afraid of our car being scratched so we paid them $5, and I will complain this to our local municipal. Anyway, we had an ok meal(a little too expensive for simple dishes for my opinion) at a fine dining restaurant in Desa Hartamas. After dinner, we headed out to Bakerzine for desserts and that’s when “a good time gone bad happened”. Mum and I got into an argument. The men in our family, just sat there without pacifying any of us or comforting us. And I thought it was kinda of a frivolous argument. As much as I like to recall how it started but it was what she said that ticked something in me. This has happened more than once and this time about me turning into an "old maid" and the last year or was it year before, I would be turning into a "spinster" if I don't change myself. Changing myself here would mean being gentler & soft spoken. I did that, spoke to her in a normal voice which I thought was gentle and soft enough but she asked me to speak louder as she couldn't hear?! Another person said she couldn't hear me speak (my ex's mum). Didn't you women wanted gentle and soft spoken, you got it and yet you complained that I'm too soft..wtf?? SO, being soft spoken only opened to more comments...hmm...Anyway, as far as I'm concerned, I don't know of any other mother or parent who would always critcise their daughter's attitude...maybe a few I know over the years as I recall now. What came out from my mother really ticked me off and my tone to her hurt her most apparently. It was how I talked to her and not so much of what I said. So, I'm made to 'always' feel everything was my fault eventhough communication skills at home was never conveyed clearly among everyone and the best part of it all, everyone blames me for causing her hurt AND I'm supposed to be quiet and let it go? She felt hurt as she ‘was wrongly’ blamed and yadda,yadda,yadda. Even as I tried to make her understand how I felt, she didn’t get it and didn't wanted to listen or understand where I was coming from. No matter what, I still couldn't make peace with my mother over her perception of me...and there's always comments which are hardly positive coming out from her. Of course, she doesn’t see it that way or it's also the way she speaks to me with the way that she does, that affects me. Time & time again, it’s always…”No, you have to or you should” for others. At times, I think there's only so much one can take when you put yourself out there. I think, if ever my mum stops commenting and realising a change is needed to heal her soul and do something that she loves, it would be much better for her own sake and all our sake as well. I mean I used to keep quiet when I'm being criticised & commented/misunderstood by family but I'm not a saintly person. I can't be slapped left and right without reacting. I am aware that humans have a habit to comment and speak our mind and I have learnt that it's not necessary most times. I’m headstrong and straight forward and fierce which I think, not many people would understand me. So, I should be someone I’m not? Perhaps I am too comfortable with my own self? I don't know. There are comments like “You must change, You must change or you’d scare men away or people away, Have you ever asked yourself questions about your approach?" and the it goes on and on. *Sure mum, that drove me nuts so I stopped asking those questions*. Staying in the family home away from my parents isn't helping as well...it was her way of love to live away from us. They are in their 60's and as much as I'd like to give them happiness, I have my own demons to kill. I used to complain alot about people and everything else about me, it took me awhile to understand that one has to look from within as you can't clap with one hand. So, perhaps it's my karma that she keeps thinking that I should change my approach to people, not misunderstand her and be married to be happier. I used to joke with my mum in a sarcasticaly humorous way just for kicks by saying things like "your husband wants to etc...or your son wants to"...and that never really tickled her as she thought it was quite rude? Well, tighten those muscles up mum! A lot of things adds up to how my psyche is the way it is and the last things I want for my family to feel is hurt in any way from whatever that I've done or said but somehow, I seem to spark something or other. Looks like I should keep quiet and be supportive and NOT be impacted by it and that would just spark again another comment that I don't share with her my thougths and feelings! I'm not God or a wall...hello......! Maybe it's because I'm a loser...someone who can't decide what she wants to do with her life since she's made many mistakes in her career path and still making them.... So I've decided to change myself or change my perception as it's better to be happy than right and wrong. So far, my self learnt therapy has been helpful to neutralise effects...partially relieved. I wonder if there are more women out there who gets along with their mother just fine as adults through to their 50's/80's if both are still alive. I only know of one so far and the old granny is always doing something instead of chatting with her daughter....lol.